Helping Kids Deal With Death

How can I talk openly with my child about death? The first thing to remember is that death is a part of life, and that everyone will experience loss and grief at some time.  Generally, children who are of school age will have an understanding that death is permanent, however pre-schoolers and younger children may not quite get that their loved one will never come back. You must always be honest and open when discussing death, and more than anything else you need to make sure that your child understands that he or she should and can talk to you or another trusted adult about their feelings at any time. 

How do I tell my child that someone has died? The most important rule of thumb is to BE HONEST. Never tell your child that their loved one is sleeping – or they will expect him or her to wake up. And, never tell your child that their loved one is “taking a trip or journey” because they will await a return.  Unless you are honest and open, there is most likely going to be a delay between your child learning about the death and the onset of the grieving process. 

What can I do to help my young child face the fear of death? It’s not uncommon for young children to be frightened by death because they do not understand the process.  When you are open and honest, it should help to alleviate some of this fear.  When explaining death, tell your child that the deceased was so old that their body stopped working, or that they were sick or injured and their body stopped working. Spare them the details, because they won’t understand and the details can be frightening to them.  Once the reality sets in, it is very likely that your child will ask you if you are going to die too.  A good way to answer is to explain that everyone will die eventually, but that most of the time people do not die until they are very old.

How am I best to handle the death of my child’s pet? Chances are that if you have had your pet for some time, your child is very attached to the animal.  Remember that just because your pet is not a person, it is still very possible for your child to have developed a strong attachment. When the pet dies, your child is just as likely to suffer from grief as they would be if a loved one had died.  Be open and honest with your child – regardless of his or her age.

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