Dealing with 'No' at Day Care

We all know the scenario…. toddler hears the word 'no' many times, toddler ignores the word 'no', toddler learns the word 'no', toddler thinks saying the word 'no' is absolutely hilarious, the word 'no' becomes apparently ineffective and provider is at wits end! Enunciating the word 'no' is easier than saying 'yes', add that to the fact that kids tend to hear 'no' a lot more frequently and you get a perfect recipe for this seeming negativism. Read on »

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Dealing With Difficult Behaviors in Day Care

I drop in on a child care providers discussion forum from time to time and make comments/suggestions if I feel I can be of help (or just want to join in on a rant!!).  Recently, one of the providers had a terrible ongoing problem with a chid who was wilfully destroying her property i.e. toys, day care equipment and furniture.  The parents laugh it off, ask the child to say an empty 'I'm sorry' and offer no discussion nor action for remedy.  As you can imagine this poor lady is at her wits end.  To date the child has deliberately destroyed over $200 worth of items.  All too often day care providers can be faced with very delicate situations when handling difficult behavior in a child. Read on »

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Discovering Your Children Through Active Observation

One of the keys to “discovery” is active observation. Active observation is when you actively move your frame of reference to look at something in a new way. How many of you have not been able to find something that was right in front of you? You look all around with great frustration, announce to the world, “It’s Gone!” (with great emotion) only to have someone (usually a spouse, or mom) walk right over to it and then smugly give it to you.
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Ending The Whining!

A whining child is bad enough but a chorus of multiple whiners in a day care environment can seriously challenge your sanity. We all know how  draining and irritating the 'whine zone' can be.  Most of us will take a full blown yet short lived tantrum over the constant, ongoing, nerve grating torture that is a whiny child.  Fear not, it is possible to deal with the offending whinester and restore some semblance of peace and tranquillity.

Hunger, tiredness, boredom and feeling unwell are factors that can precipitate whining sessions.  Attempting to identify if any of these are the triggers can help minimize the whinefest.  Unfortunately, whining is a very unattractive trait that, if left to it's own devices, can become a method of communicating which may last for many years.  Though there is no sure fire way of curing whining there are methods you can use to prevent outbreaks. Read on »

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First-Born Jealousy

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of the No-Cry Sleep Solution and Gentle Baby Care

Question: Our first-born is showing extreme jealousy towards the new baby. He’s obviously mad at us for disrupting the predictable flow of his life with this new challenger for our attention. How can we smooth things out?
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Get Your Toddler to Cooperate!

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Kid Cooperation and Perfect Parenting

Toddlers and preschoolers require finesse to gain their cooperation, because they have not yet reached the age at which they can see and understand the whole picture, so simply explaining what you want doesn’t always work. Robert Scotellaro is quoted in The Funny Side of Parenthood as saying, “Reasoning with a two-year-old is about as productive as changing seats on the Titanic.” (He must have had a two-year-old at the time.)

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Hitting, Kicking, Biting and Hair Pulling

By Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution

Children resort to aggressive behaviors because of a lack of wisdom and self-control. It is not a sign that a child is hateful or mean. Kids are human beings and human beings will get angry, we can’t prevent that. What we can do is teach our children how to handle their frustration and anger in appropriate ways. If your child uses these physical acts to express her feelings, use some of the following tips to change her behavior.
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Interrupting

by Elizabeth Pantley

Whether you’re on the phone, busy on your computer, or talking to another adult, it can be frustrating when your children constantly interrupt you. What’s surprising to learn is that they do it because they always get a response from you when they do! They’ve learned that you are willing to stop what you’re doing to answer them. Keep in mind that children are so focused on their own needs that they don’t realize that you have needs, too. They can learn how to pay more attention to other people’s needs as well as their own, which will help control these endless interruptions.

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Learning to Observe Your Child and Follow Her Lead

by Tim Seldin
President, The Montessori Foundation
Chair, The International Montessori Council

As parents we often feel the need to direct our children, but Montessori believed we should follow them instead. How much time do you spend watching your child? I don't mean watching half-heartedly while you are doing something else. I mean focusing your attention completely on your child for an extended period.
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More On Dealing With Challenging Behaviors At Day Care

 

A healthy, safe environment in a pre-school can facilitate children’s needs by developing necessary skills to develop their social and behavioral milestones.  Ordinary pre-school activities offer opportunities for this e.g. taking turns, sharing, politeness and making choices.

 

Developing self-discipline in preschoolers can be achieved by:

• Instead of praising the child, praise the behavior
• A child’s self esteem should be nurtured and encouraged
• Take into account a child’s age and stage of development when setting limits
• Help children to learn and understand boundaries by using play and games with rules
• Children will imitate adult behavior so lead by example
• Do not isolate or humiliate a child
• When you say ‘No’…mean it.  Consistency is key.
• Make sure your expectations and rules of behavior are clear
• Always reward good behavior

 Day care workers should use these positive methods of discipline which will in turn encourage self-control, self-direction, self-esteem and cooperation.  On the other hand, using the following as a means of correction is never acceptable:

·       Hitting, shaking, biting or any other physical restraint

·       Never humiliate, threaten or isolate a child- such emotional punishment is unacceptable

·       Depriving child of meals or snacks

 Have a range of strategies for dealing with behavior which falls short of expectations i.e. temper tantrums and bullying.  Effective tried and tested methods include: 

·       Distracting or removing the child from the environment

·       Explaining why this behavior is not acceptable

·       Giving the child the chance to calm down and regain control

 

The range of approaches mentioned would apply when dealing with the unpleasant behavior that is ‘biting’ – this being deemed pretty difficult behavior also.  Children who display challenging behavior should have, with the involvement of parents and carers, a work plan developed specifically for them.  When appropriate, parents should be involved, informed and supported to follow these work plans at home.  Sometimes it is necessary to seek additional support in the form of outside specialists.  This is not a negative thing and should be supported by parents and provider and a positive way forward.

 

 

The childcare worker should be supported to work on a one to one basis with a child who may be biting or displaying other challenging behavior over an agreed period of time.  The aim being that the carer would attempt to extend the child’s interests by specifically engaging them in activites thus avoiding the difficult behaviors. Difficult and challenging behaviors, both in adults and children, respond positively to calm, constructive, consistent actions.  Calm, constructive, consistent actions are essentially the most effective method of counteracting challenging behavior.  Be patient, be vigilant, stick to your guns and you will out!

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What Triggers Your Anger?

By Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution

Family life is complicated and unpredictable. Day-to-day expectations and responsibilities can create angry emotions in both parents and children. No matter how skilled you are at parenting, no matter how wonderful your children are, you cannot eliminate or avoid the unpleasant situations that occur in all families. However, once you understand where the anger comes from you can modify the situation and learn ways to control your reactions, so that anger can occupy a smaller place in your home.
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